But he didn’t stand a chance against my finishing move, my version of the spinning bird kick from Streetfighter 2. It wasn’t easy, mind – besides Big Balls’ oversized nuts, he’s got fists like seaside caravans. Prison lore rule one – wallop the hardest con to show the rest of the animals who’s at the top of the food chain. You need to fight Big Balls McGuinness to break out of prison.
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Imagine if Anne Robinson mated with Krampus and sired a son. El Mierda is the ruthless, ungodly kingpin of a criminal empire with tendrils throughout Central America, and he’s pure, unfettered evil. El Mierda, right, he’s suspect numero uno, the chump that most likely got me banged up in here. How did you end up in prison? Who’s this El Mierda fella? So let’s keep those questions focused on ME, shall we? The only one who gets to rattle my cage around here is the Warden, to get my attention when he personally delivers my bi-hourly Martini. I thought this was gonna be a friendly tete-a-tete, a chance for you to get the real story, and maybe even a signed Wormwood Scrubs brochure. You know what, this interview started well, but I’m beginning to dislike you. Where would you place it in a ranking of the top Gorillaz albums? Murdoc: Oh that’s convenient, changing the subject. Have you heard The Now Now? What do you think of it? In fact, where were you on the night of my arrest, eh? Until I get to the bottom of who framed me and put me in here, everyone is a suspect.
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Murdoc: I’m not receiving guests at the moment. Has your mate Damon Albarn come to visit you? Although funnily enough, I tried that for a laugh at a party once and it didn’t even scratch the surface. Well, unless they do that brainwashing thing like in A Clockwork Orange to cleanse me of my evils. Just cos I’m locked up doesn’t mean I’m a prisoner. Murdoc: I’ve been working on a lot of things. Have you been working on any music in there? I’ve even got a hot tub, although that requires a little vigilance – there’s this duo in here known as the Soap Sisters, and you don’t wanna be finding those bastards lurking under the bubbles, believe me. I’ve got a pool table, plasma tv, chocolate fountain. I’m like Pablo Escobar when he got banged up in his very own Playboy Mansion. Second, Murdoc Niccals doesn’t bunk up with anyone.
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2d gay pride art gorillaz update#
Murdoc: First, why the bollocks am I not on that list? One of my devoted fans needs to update Wikipedia pronto. Manicured hands are the last thing you want in here, gives out very dangerous signals.Īccording to its Wikipedia page, Wormwood Scrubs has had quite a number of (in)famous inmates: Charles Bronson, Ian Brady, Pete Doherty… Which would you rather bunk up with if you had to choose? But the moron puts a nail file in a mini roll. For example, I told 2D to drone me in a swiss roll with a file hidden inside. And what I can’t get I have droned in over the walls. But when you’re high-profile like me, you get all the privileges. Murdoc: Absolute filth – for the other mugs in here. Let’s just say we’re glad there was a thick piece of glass between us… Obviously, he couldn’t come to us – so we were granted visitation rights and got Murdoc’s side of the story. “It’s been like a massive meteor strike, but instead of the meteor wiping out all life, it just blew up one really annoying dinosaur,” 2D explained.Īfter 2D visited NME Towers, we thought it was only fair to give Murdoc a right of reply. When you reach the ‘Notable former inmates’ section, you’ll now see that Gorillaz bassist Murdoc Niccals is listed alongside the likes of Charles Bronson, Ian Brady, and Libs man Pete Doherty.Ī new album from the non-incarcerated members of Gorillaz, titled ‘ The Now Now‘, saw 2D wresting control of the group from Murdoc’s paws, and when we spoke to 2D a couple weeks back, he seemed to be pretty chuffed that Murdoc is incarcerated at Her Majesty’s Pleasure. This brief history of the nation’s most infamous prison is chequered with terrifying anecdotes, grimy details and a whole lotta bad guys.
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The Wikipedia page for prison Wormwood Scrubs is hell of a read.